I am not an outspoken extravert as people in this craft can be. I am not a raging bull claiming victories on the battlefield. I am no legend, I hold no magic. Others are cut from that miracle cloth, I am just warm durable denim. And maybe just worn-out not-so-durable denim. I don’t know anymore.
I have been doing this for a while now. A long while. It has taken its toll on me. Still, when the weight of the years is too much to bare, I try to remind myself. There was a time when I enjoyed doing what I did. It made sense. I could see it leading me somewhere.
You can find my seal in many places around the world. It is imprinted on the dozens of battlefields where I silently lead the troops to victory. It is barely noticeable. Stardust. But it is definitely there. It is by no means a magic seal, its purpose is not to dazzle. It is only supposed to make things work. To do the job. To bring soundness within reach so that “sound” stops being a luxury in these realms and starts to become a standard.
I do not find my craft to give meaning to my life, nor is it a vector of self fulfillment anymore, as maybe a doctor healing people or an explorer pushing the boundaries of the great human adventure would see theirs. Still, I enjoy the memories, and I have so many of them that they must amount to something.
I learnt so much on the road, I met so many people, overcame so many challenges. I can still remember the fun over the years, even across the crisis, the pandemics, and the inevitable passage of time. A dull walk in the parc would not have yielded so many tales.
I am so tired of the battles. I don’t know if I can lead one anymore, if I can fall back on my feet no matter how high the fall, no matter how shaky the ground. If there is still fun ahead. It is all about that in the end. How much fun can this old knight squeeze out of the remaining time to serve. I guess I will never know if I do not try. One last time.
May the force be with you, old Jedi.
Let the board sound